Views

Stuart Broad – Wanted for Pomicide

In a short series to reflect the cricket and footballing summer, volunteer Peter Bloor looks back to his own sporting memories in his latest feature for our website.

In his first piece Peter recalled how Ajax had failed to live up to their reputation as the Dutch masters of Total Football. In his second he now recalls watching Australia also fail to live up to theirs at Nottingham in 2015.

“Morning glory heralds England’s perfect day”

At 11.04 on the first day of the Fourth Ashes Test at Trent Bridge in 2015 Stuart Broad ran in to bowl his, and the, first ball of the day: just over an hour and a half later he bowled his last to take his eighth wicket for 15 in 9.3 overs and dismiss Australia for 60 in what had had been the seventh quickest Test innings in history.

It all happened so quickly that I’d had to abandon filling in my nerdy scorecard to keep up. I saw them all but the wickets that I remember most clearly were those of David Warner, Adam Voges and Michael Clarke. Without of course knowing him there’s something about David Warner so I was pleased to see his early participation in events that spiraled down to 21 for 5 when Adam Voges was out to a staggering slip catch by Ben Stokes.

Sitting to the left of the end at which he took the catch I didn’t have the best view of it - only of Stokes diving away to his right before hitting the ground – and it took me some time to realise that if the ball had not re-appeared behind him and if the England players were running round waving their arms in the air that could only mean that he had somehow caught it.

“Hard hands and soft heads”

Michael Clarke went next – excellent, after his ‘get ready for a broken arm’ comment to Jimmy Anderson in 2013 I sat there desperately wanting him gone without the tiniest speck of redemption, knowing that as captain the Aussies would hold him particularly culpable for this utter humiliation.

After wicket-keeper Peter Nevill had also gone – and with him the very remote possibility of a three-figure total – I began to wonder just what had been going on? Australian sides didn’t capitulate like this, in a crisis they always had a gum-chewing hard case who would walk resolutely to the middle and let the uppity Poms know that he’d arrived and would be staying - Doug Walters was one and Steve Waugh another but the embodiment of this type was identikit Aussie Ian Healy. Now there was no gritty gum-chewer and although Mitchell Johnson did his resolute best at 8 and top scored (apart from Extras) with 13 the Herald Sun still had cause to rage “They couldn’t even make it until lunch.”

Now that’s what I call entertainment

This was high entertainment that was only enhanced by the obvious presence of a green and yellow block of misery - I think a Merv Hughes’ tour group - and the absence of the mouthy Aussie who, before the start, had assured us that “You’ll be OK once [the injured] Jimmy Anderson starts bowling. Oh sorry, I forgot, he’s not playing is he?”

As Broad began to swing the wrecking ball he scuttled off and was neither seen nor heard again, so that was one reputation an Australian did live up to – that of being able to dish it out but of not being so keen when it starts coming back at them. The entertainment continued in the afternoon with 124 not out from Joe Root and Australia resorting to the bowling of David Warner, and it did not end with close of play but with the reaction of the Australian press - “Ashes Disgrace” and “Pathetic Aussies humiliated” it thundered; but best of all - “It’s Pomicide.”